On Releasing Creativity
Day 5 of Composing Retreat at Aldeburgh
The painter Degas said
“ I only do good things when I don’t know what I am doing”
or as TS Elliot put it in his Four Quartets,
” Sometimes you have to go to where you don’t want to go
in order to get to were you want to”
In my case I am on a mission during this two week retreat at Aldeburgh to sketch out a cantata inspired by Julian of Norwich’s Revelations of Divine Love and their relation to experiences of the pandemic. Day five and I am on schedule but not without trepidation at times that I may not be able to generate good enough ideas. Sometimes I feel like a sperm donor. At these moments it feels like an effort and then suddenly it all flows again so to speak.
Morning warm-up visual score exploring orchestral textures: Self, 2022
I sense I am creative because of my early years when I spent most of the time with my mother who suffered a very extended and severe clinical depression. Of course at the time I knew no better and to this day, I love nothing more than making mud pies in the rain or going off into woodland without telling anyone where I am going. My mum rallied with ballet classes. I love movement with music. But like all sadness there was a silver lining to living with a depressed Mum. My imagination knew no limits and it still doesn’t. Thats why I compose large orchestral works and paint huge canvases.
Being on this retreat at Aldeburgh has given me time again to really invest in my creative process without the distractions of everyday life. A Room of My Own as Virginia Wolf would describe it. I pepper my day with other activities as well as composing: painting Mandalas, walking, filming and making soundscapes. All of this feeds my composer mind and keeps me going with the composition.
Here is my first Mandala of the retreat which is very apt since it looks like a womb with a potential being in the centre. Julian talks about God as being the mother of all things, I was setting those words today.
Yesterday at Snape I found my name SELF attached to two others on this boardwalk . It reminded me of the quote from Jung
“ He who goes to himself risks a confrontation with himself.
The mirror does not flatter, its tells the truth”
This is exactly what it feels like being a creative. Work may not end up being what I wanted because my true self is leading me to a different solution. Its at this point that I see some artists give up on their creative practices because they feel they have no control. But the truth is we are not in control as creatives and the chaos is often where the real alchemy lies.
Today walking on the late afternoon beach at Aldeburgh, a fabulous cloud presented itself like a force of cosmic inspiration. Here is a 3 minute video I made of it called Imagine the Sea. It is inspired by knowing John Cage. The first half is accompanied by silence then incongruously you hear bird song and winds chimes outside Benjamin Britten’s composition studio at Red House. Finally the sea sighs. It is a meditation. Relax and let your imagination soar. Here is the link:
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