Tuesday 29 November 2022

Sound Healing: How it can improve mood and well being.

For the whole of my life I have been in flight from depression, you know, the type that has no particular reason. Mostly my escape routes have worked: hyper activity, creativity, unbound anger and super charged sex to name but a few. Imagine for a moment a small child (me) running away from the path of a tornado. Ground-hog day brings it whirring out of the sky on a regular basis and more so now. Why? Well of course I have my theories, but let’s not go there just yet.  What I am more interested in is the power of certain types of music to counter depressive thoughts. We will all have our individual preferences here but there is a deeper factor at work and that is that the music for healing needs to be gentle, nurturing, kind and supportive. Therefore, a lot of music that I normally love does not fulfil this criteria such as Wagner’s Parsifal – too reverential and sombre, The Rite of Spring – too peculiar and over stimulating, Bach’s music – too numinous and special for depression, Gruppen by Stockhausen, too tender and brutal. Even my own symphonic compositions don’t fit the bill. 



Journey: A meditative moment in HER BODY: Self, 2021.

Commissioned by Tête a Tête

(photo credit: Claire Shovelton)


It was during the period when I presented yearly at The Esalen Institute at Big Sur in California and at Rancho La Puerta in New Mexico that I alighted on the idea of creating and composing a special kind of music that would solely fit the purpose of inducing a meditative type state in which a person’s ability to heal their own psyche is activated and accelerated. The idea came to me from Jung’s approach to psychoanalysis which is to allow the analysand to find their own internal path to mental health. The analyst merely acts as a colleague on the journey and their self-revelation in the process is paramount. In a similar way I decided to channel the composing of a type of music that I sensed could heal and enliven a saddened mind. The resulting works are in deep contrast to the classical contemporary music that I compose. The musical expressions are far more relaxed and augmented so as to create a sense of timelessness. Here is an example of my latest work. You need to allow half an hour to experience this, and follow the suggestions in the film. I composed and created this together with the film last summer on the island of Skyros in Greece where I lead kayaking adventures and teach Dynamic Beach Art inspired by the work of Rauschenberg, Cage and Cunningham. I filmed from the water all the sacred sites in the bay of Atsitsa which are only reachable by kayak. As the magical water meets the complex rocks, a metaphor for life develops: The containing, nurturing sea, her depth, her understanding and caressing which rubs up against the set requirements of life embedded in the rocks.  



https://youtu.be/V2I0FWWGLYA


But let’s return specifically to my lowered mood difficulties. What is it all about? Probably the roots are in my mother’s breakdown when I was born and her subsequent recurring clinical depressions during my childhood. I was very lonely with her during that time so in a way I need to allow the memory of these feelings to come back and face up to them and move through them. The Sound Healing music allows me to do this in a way in which I feel held. When I deliver sound healing to an individual or a group I put the temenos or holding of that person’s soul and feelings at the very centre of my attention. There are studies at McGill University in Canada to show scientifically how brain waves can be lowered to Alpha and Beta by administering specifically designed sounds and music. What I am therefore aiming for with Sound Healing work is to simultaneously relax and stimulate the brain and psyche so as to re-generate itself. A person with lowered mood not only needs reassurance and comfort but also energy and enlivening. Hence my Sound Healing tracks feature meditative and energised sections. I want to stress that I am not trying to prove anything but instead provide an enjoyable holistic method which can significantly improve our inner life. Clinical depression may well require a different level of intervention. I would love to collaborate on a research project to see how Sound Healing could help in its treatment. With this in mind I am on the look-out to collaborate with clinical researchers. All I can say for the moment is that many people who have experienced my Sound Healing sessions have said that they felt enlivened and re-generated. 


My next retreats at The ARC in Coastal North Norfolk can be booked via this link:


http://www.selfmademusic.co.uk/smmevents.php

 

Also look out for www.skyros.com summer 2023 programmes where I present Sound Healing alongside Kayaking and Dynamic Beach Art. To finish, here are two more online Sound Healing sessions for you to experience. I would very much appreciate it if you could press the subscribe button on my you tube channel, it's free!








Tuesday 11 October 2022

The Power of Creativity: An essay by Dr Self for The Cambridge Jung Circle 1/10/22


 

When we are touched by something we are able to feel in to things beyond the limits of our personal education and by that experience and that by opening up to the essential imagination we also expand our compassion. 

James Hillman (Wood, 2022: 93)


 

 

                                                            Spring Mandala: Self 2021


In this materialistic modern world, the function of our individual creativity is increasingly being placed under siege. Take for example British education where the growing necessity to achieve set outcomes threatens to dampen personal expression. Organisations like Ofsted enforce result tables as the key measurements by which we judge education’s success. However, there is an unnoticed flaw which ruptures this approach, it is the elephant in the room. The result is a chemical experiment that no longer works because a vital ingredient is missing. This is the nurturing of our imagination and the freedom to explore with it. The indomitable spirit of creativity holds a potent key to unlock our humanity so that we become reflective and develop compassion for others. Yet at the world’s peril personal creativity is being overlooked. To express the resulting dangers more poetically, it is the humanities that make us human. They open up a sense of possibility and bring meaning to our life. By ignoring imagination’s potential, we are more likely to fall prey to the growing tide of mental health difficulties. Gradually a new awakening to creativity’s efficacy has led to a back-pedalling so that for example GP surgeries have taken to suggesting a range of creative practices to treat depression and anxiety such as: be in nature or engage with art and music to charm away the internal troubles of the soul. These are the practices of ancient shamans, the healers.


 

                                                         Indian Church: Emily Carr


In the dense lush forests of British Columbia a hundred years ago, the Canadian painter Emily Carr not only recorded the last dwellings of the indigenous Native Americans on the Pacific coast but she also embodied the quality of their interaction with their landscape by employing her imagination. The resulting paintings portray something far deeper than the surface of the scene. They are a visual manifestation of the collective unconsciousness.Further down the Pacific coast at Esalen, Big Sur, CA, the ancient Esalen tribe used to visit for sweat lodge ceremonies on the cliffs. Here, sulphurous hot springs meet the sea’s crashing waves and sea otters convene near the shore to gorge themselves by cracking open abalone shells with stones on their chest. Meanwhile on the horizon sometimes orcas and grey whales can be heard singing. Millenia later Jack Kerouac took refuge in a shack on the water’s edge and generated an unsurpassed stream of consciousness of delicate brilliance in On the Road. Today the site hosts the Esalen institute where you can reflect inwardly through interactive courses in the arts and self-development http://www.esalen.com/. I presented creative music workshops there for ten years with my composer/cellist husband, Michael Christie. Further still down the coast in New Mexico at http://www.rancholapuerta.com/ I received instructions from a shaman as to how to lead sacred prayer flag making ceremonies and develop my Sound Healing practice. https://youtu.be/PJtJcNeIBEA 

 

Moving inland to the Rocky-mountains of Canada at The Banff Centre, one of my most significant early creative teachings I received came from a week working with the iconic American composer John Cage. He chose his extraordinary piece ARIA for me to perform. We laughed our way through the week exploring a range of playful approaches to this improvisatory work. His mischievousness set me on an eternal trip of joy. Together we metaphorically drank the champagne of alchemical creativity without a clue as to what would happen!

 

All I know about method is that when I am not working I sometimes think I know something, but when I am working, it is quite clear that I know nothing. 

John Cage (Larson, 2012: 239) 

This synchronistic encounter with Cage went on to inform the pathway of my whole creative life so that my recent PhD research which I completed in 2020 led full circle to my syncretic practice of Art-Sound-Installation. In this crossing-over of art forms, I compose music, devise soundscapes, make film, create three-dimensional installations and incorporate improvised voice and dance performances. You can see a sample of this in my piece HER BODY commissioned by Tête a Tête Festival 2021: https://vimeo.com/615142400.



                                                          Photo: Claire Shovelton 


I was inspired to make a fusion of these practices because of Cage’s far-reaching associations with creatives in other art forms such as the artist Rauschenberg and the dancer Merce Cunningham. The process took me decades to arrive at and came about in a way as Jung describes, “I began to understand that the goal of psychic development is the Self. There is no linear evolution; there is only a circumambulation of the Self.”  Cage was deeply influenced by Zen Buddhism which empowered a creative approach that allows work to manifest. The American composer John Adams describes the process

 

John Cage was also instrumental in making me comfortable and in tune with new technology. His playful yet disciplined approach to objects of twentieth-century life like radios, loudspeakers, microphones, tape-recorders and even computers had for me the effect of empowerment. He gave me the courage to see technology as fertile terrain for creativity. 

(Adams, quoted in Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2008: 20–24) 



In Mary Antonia Wood’s newly published book Reimagining Creativity and the Call to Create, she re-contextualises the concept of creativity as a calling to every person, not just to professional artists. In other words she suggests that it is everyone’s birth-right and necessity to be creative. This can be expressed in a multitude of forms ranging from engaging with the humanities to being in nature or even simply cleaning one’s home. Mary Antonia suggests that creativity has been appropriated by capitalistic patriarchal systems much in the same way that religion tends to distract from the aims of deep spiritual engagement. In response to this Universal calling, as part of my creative portfolio, I run workshops that incorporate art, music, story-telling, sound healing and ceremony. This summer at www.skyros.com I observed with pleasure the bubbling creativity available to all during my Dynamic Beach Art Course. There were participants ranging from professional artists to young people and the creatively shy. In the workshop we gathered driftwood and stones from the beaches and like Rauschenberg transformed them though the power of ceremony and imaginative practice so that

 

 ‘the objects not only suggest new possibilities, things I would have never thought of if I’d stayed in the studio - they also set up resistances that I find very useful.’ 

(Rauschenberg, 2017: 235)

I find the insights of James Hillman particularly helpful for accepting the messy and sometimes perplexing process of engaging with one’s unique creativity. He explains how creativity can have a deep impact on our daily life by delivering refreshment and deep meaning even through simple pursuits. Jung’s play with stones at the edge of the lake, where he built towns and castles, comes to mind for its remarkable restorative effect during a six year period between 1913 and 1919 when he struggled with his “confrontation with the unconscious”. Jung literally engaged with his creative play to such an extent that he found himself embarking on a shamanic journey of disorientation, descent and re-birth. This period in many respects was the ultimate making of him. By posthumously sharing his deepest insights and bizarre fantasies in his black note books and ultimately The Red Book, we are liberated to allow ourselves to imagine. This creative play is of a totally different order to the nineteenth century model of artist as hero in order to be psychically creative.

 

If we imagine ourselves engaged as artists in life, it we use artists as our models …. then we would work with the daily mess of our lives as the material for psychological creativity...I want to get far far away from creative in the romantic sense. What I mean is having gratitude towards what one is given, for out of that makes one’s life, or to say it directly: You don’t have to become creative because the psyche is already that: right in its mess there is creation going on. The artist fantasy of oneself accepts the mess, likes it, needs it

 

James Hillman (Wood, 2022:96) 

 

In my practice as a composer I want to also engage with all of the arts as part of my practice. This inevitably leads to me being described as a polymath, which can carry a sense of ridicule because there is a pressure in modern society to conform and specialise in just one thing. However, this approach shuts down creative thought. Yet I am encouraged by how some composers have painted, like Schoenberg, and some painters have been deeply involved with music, like Paul Klee. To conclude, being an archetypal artist involves everyone allowing themselves to be creative daily in some way. It doesn’t have to be something thing we would necessarily associate with being an artist. It could be arranging flowers, cooking, gardening or whatever takes your fancy. Or it could be taking a delight in nature. Recently I returned from five weeks of facilitating at Skyros and I kayaked and swam in the bay of Atsitsa daily. Here to finish is the feel of it. 

 


                           Shaman: Self 2021

 

SEAWOLF

 

 

The waves were now lapping in her body, they had a soft but urgent feel like the tug of a lover. Her soul had become a part of the bay which sang in gentle over-tones. She was in some sort of tantric bliss, a total release from her cares that she had never felt before. A letting-go. A sense that no matter what, this bay would still be here for millenia and that she was a part of it. Seawolf swam out into the centre of the bay. The saltiness of the sea was so intense that it virtually lifted her out of the water so that she was a flying fish. Deep beneath her, the subterranean depths hummed with infinite blues and jade streams of filtered sunlight. The sea had become her mother and her fathers impregnated in the rocks, watched over her from the stratered cliffs.

 

She swam into a cove and landed. This was the part of the cliff face where her dead analyst lived. His strong bald head was tilted to the right side in a pondering pose. He knew the secrets of her soul and even though long dead from this planet, he spoke to her heart directly and honestly in loving tones. He had helped her become the Seawolf that she was. The wolf of the sea, a Mediterranean Viking of no fixed aboad except possibly this bay. This bay located on a far-off Greek island in the Aegean sea. 

 

References:

Adams, J. (2008) Hallelujah Junction: Composing an American Life. New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux. 

Hillman, J. (1983) Interviews; Conversations with Laura Pozzo on Psychotherapy, Biography, Love, Soul, Dreams, Work, Imagination and the State of Culture. New York, NY; Harper and Row.

 

Kerouac, J. (1957) On The Road. Viking Press, CA USA.

Larson, K. (2012) Where the Heart Beats. New York: The Penguin Press. 

Rauschenberg, R. (2017) Exhibition catalogue. London: Tate Publishing. 

Wood, M A. (2022) The Archetypal Artist: Reimaging Creativity an The Call to Create; Oxford, UK; Routlege.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tuesday 31 May 2022

" Self Funding Strategies for Creative Artists".




Hello Creative Artists



Dr Susannah Self

Recently there was deep upset when the PRS Foundation announced that they would reduce their funding by 60 percent. 

In this 10 minute video I share the methodology that I developed during my PhD period to self-fund performance projects. 

I applied this method to manifesting performances of my research opera Quilt Song at The Birmingham Old Rep in 2018.

I believe we can manifest our vision whatever the status of public funding.

Here is the video link.

All power to you!

https://youtu.be/6-kPMDMCDuo

Tuesday 3 May 2022

Paradiso

 

When I was finishing composing my Sea Requiem in January I had the opportunity to compose a short 5' work for flute and piano for Anna Hopkins and Brenda Blewett to play. They make up half a new ensemble called Horizon of which myself and the cellist Michael Christie form the other half. We all live in Norfolk and studied at The Royal College of Music at different times. We formed Horizon during lockdown and it has been a real joy to sing with such collegiate musicians. 



Cley Church




For our spring concert we devised a programme of Baroque music which culminated in the wonderful solo alto cantata, Vergnüte Ruh by Bach. Bach wrote a series of alto cantatas all of which focus on how death can bring the pleasure of heaven and union with the divine. He specifically composed them to bring comfort to his children when they lost a sibling which sadly was a common event. With this is in mind I set to emulate this theme by drawing on elements in my recent compositions: In Paradisum from the Sea Requiem and the conclusion to my new orchestral work È Perso Nel Tempo which is inspired by Jung's Red Book and Dante's Divina Commedia. In Paradiso, paradise is depicted as consisting of many levels of existence. In this lyrical work, these contrasts are reflected in the form of a divertimento. My gratitude goes to the performers Anna Hopkins and Brenda Blewett. 


Michael Christie, Brenda Blewett and Anna Hopkins

Here is the performance of Paradiso



The music for Paradiso can be purchased on this link


The Sea Requiem will be performed by North Sea Orchestra and Singers  

in The Lady Chapel of Ely Cathedral on Saturday 1st April 20203 

The music for Sea Requiem can be purchased on this link

https://composersedition.com/susannah-self-sea-requiem/


The music for È Perso Nel Tempo can be purchased on this link

https://composersedition.com/susannah-self-e-perso-nel-tempo/
















 

 



 

Thursday 28 April 2022

On Vision, Sacrament and Connecting with The Ancestors

In Jung's Red Book which was published 50 years after his death, Jung emphasises the need to connect with our universal ancestors. It is a part of our culture that over millennia has been banked down. To get a taste of what a ceremonial connection to the ancestors might feel like there are shamanic ceremonies in Mexico where mummies are literally brought out on show. 


The Red Book

The German sinologist Richard Wilhelm in his lectures on the I Ching suggests that we can connect with the dead though the humanities. I remember when I read this, I was singing in China. I was also heavily into playing and singing the lute songs of John Dowland. Wilhelm's logic allowed me to find a timeless connection that was not constricted by the limitations of physical life. Therefore, I discovered that works left by the dead can take the form of a sacrament which delivers wonder, joy and inspiration to the recipient.


Lancing Chapel

Last weekend I visited Lancing Chapel which is situated on a prominent position in the South Downs near Brighton. It is really a cathedral but with its modern construction it has a lighter feel than a cathedral and there is significantly less paraphernalia cluttered within. I have been visiting this chapel all my life because my father attended Lancing college as a boy and his great grandfather, my great great grandfather, Nathaniel Woodard is the man who had the vision to create the chapel. 150 years later the service that I attended was to celebrate its completion. The insight I glean from this slow manifestation is that the gift is that because Woodard didn't have the resources to complete the chapel, others had to step in and make it happen or not. This then allowed his artistic vision to become universally owned and appreciated. As a result the work is a living sacrament to be cherished by all.


Lancing Chapel looking towards the altar from the organ loft 

The interior of Lancing Chapel is so utterly gorgeous that if like me you adore all things gothic, it appears to create an idea of what an orderly part of heaven could feel like. It also reminds me of my obsession with Mormon temples which have heaven rooms attached to them, these are only accessible to paid up members. Lancing chapel is conceived as a sacramental space. It is Woodard's out-of-the box vision which otherwise was concerned with providing good education for the economically dis-advantaged through the Woodard Schools network.


Lancing chapel looking toward the organ and rose window

Personally this service was a monumental occasion, But it was also tinged with a question as to why my side of the Woodard family had not been involved in the completion of the chapel. Speculation is a dangerous thing, but I think I have an inkling. The inheritors of the project were men and my linage comes through my grandmother Audrey, Elizabeth who is mentioned at the very end of the text in Woodard's tomb as having married Sir John Otter. Perhaps as in so many areas, women were not the inheritors 150 years ago. Luckily times are changing.

Nathaniel Woodard in Lancing Chapel 


Returning to the theme of vision, sacrament and connecting with the ancestors. I feel that my trip to Lancing Chapel furnished my imagination with a sense of excitement for creating the extraordinary. It does not matter so much to me or anyone else that I am a blood relative. Instead it is connecting with  Woodard's vision of creating a building solely to inspire that resonates with composing a symphony or writing an iconic novel. 


Many thanks to Bernard Barker my cousin, also a great great grandson of Nathaniel Woodard for his photos.

 






  

Wednesday 30 March 2022

A Stranger In My City


I never imagined that I would ever have the guts to leave London. 'When a man has grown tired of London he has grown tired of life' said Samuel Johnson. Not so in my experience, exactly the reverse. But this post is not setting out to relay a cut and dry account of the wonders of the countryside but rather more an exploration in how separation from a place can lead to a growing appreciation of it. 


The Thames

Yesterday evening I trained down from Ely  (where I have moved to) to Kings Cross to conduct an orchestral rehearsal. What pleasure I feel at seeing the quiet rivery fenlands give way to rolling Royston hills culminating with the grand entrance into the big city. Finally I am a real Londoner arriving in its heart. I am no longer enclosed in the lofty heights of Hampstead and the extended North London corridor were the verdant heaths are so enticing that only work or obligations lure one into the city hub.



Relaxing on Hampstead Heath

Now with no London home to return to, exciting vistas open up. The river, yes the Thames where I imagine my difficult neighbour transforms into a slimy eel, living in one of its underground tributaries. Fresh joys abound: Meeting a professional chum at the Groucho Club and chatting up a man at the bar after two aperols. 'Here is my card' I thrust at him generously,  'Oh here is mine' he replies nervously. The smug pleasure of sitting in £7.50 seats in the gods to see a new ballet at Covent Garden.  

The dome of Covent Garden which I sang from in Parsifal 

A business meeting with a dynamic musician near the Guildhall School of Music where I teach composition. We find a glorious cafe by the London wall. More aperols and creative ideas flow.


The London Wall



I return home with gems: coffee beans from the Algerian coffee stores in Soho, exotic incense from China Town and gorgeous cheeses served by sexy men at Neals Yard. London is now my city and yet I walk in it as a stranger. It is no longer my own, instead I am free of ties to go where I want. In a Proustian way I romantically ponder on past friendships, the temple at Neasden, my Masonic friends, the swimming ponds at Highgate. 


The Mandir at Neasden

We sold up in Mill Hill only two years ago, just before the pandemic. Sometimes I miss our little ex-council house with its sweet garden which I created from a mud yard. But mostly I miss my parents who sadly are long gone.


Our garden at 42 Blundell Road

Returning to our little cottage in Ely which backs onto the cathedral park, I feel excitement. It takes no longer to get there than from central London to Mill Hill. I use the train journey to work on my scores. Ely is a mini-city furnished with an amazing market, cathedral and music. The octagon tower of the Cathedral beams hope every night lit up with Ukranian colours. The 4 minute walk to this iconic building still takes my breath away.

Cathedral view from The Almonry 

The Walled Garden at Ely 


Saturday 19 March 2022

The Power of The Dog


Creating a new performance work Tristan Sings


With Tristan as a puppy


Fortunately, titles cannot be put into copyright so the new Netflix film by Jane Campion The Power of the Dog at first is merely an attention puller for this post! However, it is also a film that I feel is a masterpieces of sensual sensitivity with a refreshingly empathetic take. So much is not said and left to our imagination. Benedict Cumberbatch makes an unlikely casting for a macho cowboy who loves men. But he pulls it off with aplomb. The original music by Jonny Greenwood has a classical contemporary music feel which works well. Have you ever seen cowboys riding to the meter of 5/8 r an out like sounding gutted guitar? This is a film I will cherish.


The Power of The Dog: Campion 2021


There is however another power of the dog that’s is on my mind and that is my new performance piece commissioned by Dr Andy Ingamells called Tristan Sings which just premièred at Artefact in Birmingham on March 18th .



Tristan Sings is scored in text for border terrier, soundscape, film and live performance artist (s)

Practicalities: Two performers (any instrumentation) are invited to interactively perform with a film/sound installation which features Tristan Magnus the border terrier howling in response to operatic singing, aleatoric music generated with home-made instruments as well as Wagner and Bruckner. 

The Score: The parameters of the score are in a printed booklet and delineated on the film by ceremonial singing bowl cues which provide empty ambient space for the performers to respond to the howling interludes provided by Tristan. The piece concludes with a meditation in which the live performers emulate overtone chanting with their instrument or voice accompanied by a soundscape of resonating singing bowls. 

Purpose of The Piece: The act of howling provides a cathartic release through long doleful cries which facilitate a disintegration of pent up feelings. Great calmness results. Tristan Sings is a response to the unknown source of anxious emotions that have resulted from the extended pandemic lockdowns. Outcomes include a calmer mind. 

Tristan Magnus Christie is a 7-year-old border terrier. His research involves sniffing out opportunities of catching prey. Tristan's daily practice of interactive howling was initiated from an early age by encountering Dr Self’s singing. 

 

You can experiment interacting with the work yourself by following Tristan’s instructions on this youtube link 


https://youtu.be/HjaKxyHTlbE










A word about the composer/performer, Dr Andy Ingemells: He has an extraordinary way of creating provocative performances many which feel imbued with the spirit of Cage. I was lucky to work with Cage in person the Rocky Mountains on Aria, here I am with him aboveThis cohort of theatrical almost operatic provocative independents who contribute their avant-garde performance practices are a great gift to conventional opera. For them performance = anarchy and out of the box thinking. In a work that I commissioned from Andy in 2019 called He that plays the English gentleman shall be welcome, Andy dresses in cricket whites and provides as a cricket bat, an inexpensive violin. He invites the audience to throw tomatoes stuffed with numbered letters at him whilst literally batting them off as he delivers a dissertation about contemporary music practice. When the ensuing mayhem has receded he calmly invites the audience to pick up the felt backed letters and collectively create a sentence on the wall  which sums up their take on contemporary music!



He that plays the English gentleman shall be welcome, Ingamells: 2019


This approach connects to the legacy of imaginative works such as Ligeti’s Poème Symphonique (Ligeti: 1962), which replaces human performers with 100 metronomes. The methodology and intention of these piece becomes as important as the music. Going a step further, the artist Zimoun (2016: online) creates installations which feature mechanically generated sound which can be experienced by the observer freely rather than through a score which is fixed by a period of time. But back to The Power of The Dog. When I became a full-time composer 8 years ago it seemed to me that I needed a companion and Tristan has certainly been an inspiration and nurturer. He is bold, he can sing and dance and he provides a constant source of interaction which demonstrates the real power of the dog which is the message of Tristan Sings.



Tristan Magnus Christie


The performance score and film to perform with of Tristan Sings will shortly be available from 

composersedition.com

 


 

Thursday 17 March 2022

She is my Pharaoh

 Recently I spent a week improvising with the clarinettist/performance artist Neyire Ashworth in our new music studio, The ARC, in North Norfolk. Neyire is experienced in performance practice and has worked with David Glass. I spent over ten years singing roles with Opera Factory, being inspired to take more and more risks under the directorship of David Freeman. Also I have in my bones the life-changing experience of working with John Cage on 'Aria' in Canada.




Together Neyire and I were ripe to imagine creating a work that features interactive installation and performance. For our starting point we chose the female pharaoh Hatshepsut. The audience will experience the intimacy of Hatshepsut's tomb through my compositional methodology of quilting with found materials, video installation, soundscapes and live improvisation. Our practice as musicians is grounded in the physical theatre of practitioners such as Pina Bausch and DV8. We want to literally get inside Hatshepsut's character and feel her bones. She is my Pharaoh plays on rhyming slang to mean She is my Hero. Although Hatshepsut was allowed to be a female pharaoh, she wasn't allowed to go to war. Instead we embark on her ceremonial journey to Punt where she gathered healing herbs and exotic animals. 

Here is a five-minute video of a soundscape which I generated from our improvisations. We are looking for a première, will you be the one to book She is my Pharaoh?


https://youtu.be/W2AnrLVg1ys

Tuesday 8 March 2022

Why women's day is so important for everyone

As a maturing composer and conductor I have had my fair share of discrimination as a woman in the past. As as result I go out of my way to support my younger colleagues on their career paths and I look forward to a brighter future. Lets not forget on this Woman's Day that over half the World's population has until very recently been under the thumb of male dominance. One of the first feelings I grew up with was that as a girl I was inferior. This learnt lack lead me to all kinds of problems with body dysmorphia. As a kid I wanted to be a boy. Sure I wanted to climb trees, fish and explore the woods but to be honest I also hoped that by some magic I would wake up one day with a penis. 


In Cornwall

My Dad was remarkably helpful. He bought me real wood working tools and played football with me, I was extremely lucky. 


My Dad

However in teenage-hood my perceptions of being a second class citizen fuelled a  renouncement of female fleshiness in favour of thinness during a severe but short bout of anorexia. Fortunately getting into The Royal College of Music when I was 17 and finding a boyfriend resolved not eating, he was too sexy to not allow flesh to creep on. And I realise that this boyfriend who is now my husband was crucial to my inner empowerment as a woman. He has supported my musical career all the way as an equal. 


With Michael Christie

We both entered The Royal College of Music as composers, he played cello and I sang. I wanted to become a composer when I left, but the Principle said I must become an opera singer because women couldn't make it as composers. In many respects I learnt my trade as a composer of operas because of all those years singing many solo roles at The Vlaamse Opera and Opera du Rhin. I have as a result of the standard repertoire made sure that all my operas promote women who are heroic and powerful in their own right such as Boudicca, Artemisia Gentileschi and Rosa Parks. Through these works I have largely exorcised the discrimination that lingered in me. 


The schoolboy in Berg's Lulu at The Vlaamse Opera 

Fortunately attitudes have changed a lot now so that in my maturer years I have been able to shift to being full time composer. I am now in the place that I want to be. In the last 7 years have been empowered by wonderful supervisors at Cambridge University and Royal Birmingham Conservatoire culminating in a PhD in composition. However challenges still remain and false perceptions of my ability due to my genital assignment persist such as the comment from an adjudicator at a conducting competition in Cambridge 2014," you conduct well for a woman but I don't like it that you are so tall " or a top publisher at an Opera Europa Conference " Women composers are lightweight". 



Conducting my opera The Butt in Vienna, 2016

Whatever your take on this it must be faced that the repression of half the World's population from equal opportunities is the largest miscarriage of human freedom in the history of the World. Now we are on the road to improvement in some countries although I fear that woman are still over worried about their physical appearance and keep their real passions recessed in order to fit in. My latest opera HER BODY in particular questions the notion of what we need to be like as women, this also applies to men. 

To conclude: Do we need positive discrimination? Well yes, I believe so. Lets have more Proms commissions for women for example. And others who identify as woman ? Welcome on board just as long as you understand that personally I don't identify as a woman but rather as a successful male composer! 

Happy Woman's Day


In HER BODY for Tête a Tête, London 2021 

Link to conducting The Orbita Orchestra playing HER BODY 2021


Link to The Opera HER BODY 2021